Ah, dad.
Stefanie's excellent post about her dad reminded me of some thoughts I've been having about my own dad recently. I've written about my dad before, and I don't think it's a secret that he's a strange dude and that he and I have a rough history.
My dad doesn't have long distance on his phone, so I'm responsible for calling him. Sunday afternoon is our usual talk time, but I haven't called him in almost two months, and I've been feeling a little bit guilty. Not because I haven't called, but because I haven't even wanted to call. No desire whatsoever to talk to him. His conversations inevitably cover the same topics; NASCAR, how I should not have broken up with my ex-girlfriend, and the weather. While I don't mind those topics, I just don't have the patience to hear the negative lectures anymore.
Last week while I helped work on the remembrance celebration for my friend Blair, I marveled at the way he surrounded himself with an awesome group of warm, loving, and positive people. Unfortunately, my dad is none of those things, and I've realized (finally?) that I just need to limit my contact with him. Life's too short to spend it with people who aren't a positive influence.
My dad doesn't have long distance on his phone, so I'm responsible for calling him. Sunday afternoon is our usual talk time, but I haven't called him in almost two months, and I've been feeling a little bit guilty. Not because I haven't called, but because I haven't even wanted to call. No desire whatsoever to talk to him. His conversations inevitably cover the same topics; NASCAR, how I should not have broken up with my ex-girlfriend, and the weather. While I don't mind those topics, I just don't have the patience to hear the negative lectures anymore.
Last week while I helped work on the remembrance celebration for my friend Blair, I marveled at the way he surrounded himself with an awesome group of warm, loving, and positive people. Unfortunately, my dad is none of those things, and I've realized (finally?) that I just need to limit my contact with him. Life's too short to spend it with people who aren't a positive influence.
Labels: dad
posted by steve at 12:59 AM
3 Comments:
Steve,
I'm sure you have very good reasons for doing this. May I offer an alternate viewpoint, admittedly from a person who has never met your father? My vantage point is that of a person who lost her father unexpectedly at 29 (he was 56), a fact I'm guessing you know from my blog. I sometimes felt similarly to you about my Dad, and there were oh so many things about him that could irritate me. But I would give anything now to have him back, to suffer through what I thought were such annoying habits, but which I now realize were his best efforts to connect with me in any way he could.
Please think twice before cutting him off, Steve. Maybe it's the right thing for you, but please give it a thoughtful look before you do it.
Lisa
I, um, took a hiatus from my mother for 10 years and in those 10 years I feel like I literally became a whole person. It was the distance from her that enabled me to piece myself back together. We reconciled and the only thing that has changed is me. It is really hard (if not impossible) for people to fathom why one would not speak to their parent but I totally get it and think a person needs to do what they need to do to heal or grow. Your post compelled me to chime in here.
Lisa: Thank you for your comment. I'm planning on getting back in touch with him soon, once I can talk to my shrink a little bit more about the problems I have with him. While he's annoying and irritating now, back when I was a kid, he was downright abusive. His inability to apologize for, or even acknowledge, the damage he did is the root cause of my annoyance. But I don't plan to leave him cut off for much longer.
Cupcake: Thank you for chiming in; I appreciate the empathy. Ten years is a long time; I can't imagine what that was like. I also can't imagine the disappointment of realizing that she didn't change in those ten years. I've gone a year without talking to my dad, but even in that year, I sent him letters and photos. I've always held out hope, however futile it may be, that he might someday acknowledge what he did and apologize. But he probably never will.
Post a Comment
<< Home