Thoughts.
Note: I apologize in advance for this post. It isn't very entertaining and likely isn't even of interest to anyone but myself, but I feel the need to get what has been bouncing around in my head put into words on a page, and this is what I ended up with.
My friend Blair's recent illness has caused me to think and re-think a lot of myself. He and I used to walk to Tully's (a nearby coffee shop) many mornings, and even though most of the conversations were pretty mundane, we did occasionally talk about things like The Future and What I Want To Be When I Grow Up. While I think he enjoys working with the people we work with, I'm pretty damn certain it isn't his dream job. We sometimes talked about making a change and doing something different, even if neither one of us knew exactly what that "something" might be.
What makes me saddest about his current situation is that he might not get the chance to make that change, to do something that he really wants to do. I realize that's a bit of a selfish thought - obviously I care very much about his children and the rest of his family too, but I guess that bit of wavelength he I and I shared is just how I've framed it all in my own mind. I'm still struggling to process it all.
--
Shifting back to my own situation, I've come to think that maybe I'm meant to fly this life solo. So many of the things that make me happy are primarily solo endeavors; photography, motorcycles, computer geekery, and reading, to name just a few. The culture I live in places a high value on marriage, raising children, and the accumulation of wealth. As a contrarian, I can't see myself married, children scare me, and the older I get, the less interested I am in accumulating wealth. Sure, I like things like cool cars, fast bikes, and nice houses, but I'm just not interested in the sacrifices one has to make to acquire and maintain those things. I'd much rather live a simple life with a few things and as much adventure as I can cram into my limited days on this rock. I don't get nearly enough adventure.
I realize that some of my disdain for accumulating stuff comes from jealousy and my inability to afford the nicer things in life. Some of it also comes from a rebellious streak - society says "You're not successful until you get married, have kids, and buy stuff!" and I say fuck you society, I'd rather be weird. I have no interest in filling out that ScanTron (Use a #2 pencil! Stay within the ovals!).
Life would be easier if I was content with The Usual. I could find a nice wife, settle down, have a kid or two, and punch the clock until I retire. I'm pretty sure I could pull that off if I wanted to. But I don't want to. So I think about forging a trail of my own, making a change in an unknown direction. I feel like I need to do it soon, because something might happen and I might not get the chance to make that change.
My friend Blair's recent illness has caused me to think and re-think a lot of myself. He and I used to walk to Tully's (a nearby coffee shop) many mornings, and even though most of the conversations were pretty mundane, we did occasionally talk about things like The Future and What I Want To Be When I Grow Up. While I think he enjoys working with the people we work with, I'm pretty damn certain it isn't his dream job. We sometimes talked about making a change and doing something different, even if neither one of us knew exactly what that "something" might be.
What makes me saddest about his current situation is that he might not get the chance to make that change, to do something that he really wants to do. I realize that's a bit of a selfish thought - obviously I care very much about his children and the rest of his family too, but I guess that bit of wavelength he I and I shared is just how I've framed it all in my own mind. I'm still struggling to process it all.
--
Shifting back to my own situation, I've come to think that maybe I'm meant to fly this life solo. So many of the things that make me happy are primarily solo endeavors; photography, motorcycles, computer geekery, and reading, to name just a few. The culture I live in places a high value on marriage, raising children, and the accumulation of wealth. As a contrarian, I can't see myself married, children scare me, and the older I get, the less interested I am in accumulating wealth. Sure, I like things like cool cars, fast bikes, and nice houses, but I'm just not interested in the sacrifices one has to make to acquire and maintain those things. I'd much rather live a simple life with a few things and as much adventure as I can cram into my limited days on this rock. I don't get nearly enough adventure.
I realize that some of my disdain for accumulating stuff comes from jealousy and my inability to afford the nicer things in life. Some of it also comes from a rebellious streak - society says "You're not successful until you get married, have kids, and buy stuff!" and I say fuck you society, I'd rather be weird. I have no interest in filling out that ScanTron (Use a #2 pencil! Stay within the ovals!).
Life would be easier if I was content with The Usual. I could find a nice wife, settle down, have a kid or two, and punch the clock until I retire. I'm pretty sure I could pull that off if I wanted to. But I don't want to. So I think about forging a trail of my own, making a change in an unknown direction. I feel like I need to do it soon, because something might happen and I might not get the chance to make that change.
posted by steve at 8:01 PM
8 Comments:
Bust the box & live YOUR life . . . that's all that matters.
Not a waste of bandwidth...you make good points. I think any of us who don't fit societal norms feel this way. Unmarried, no kids, no huge extended family, no fancy car, no big tv...so many boxes unchecked for so many of us.
Whatever you're feeling, its just who you are and you're really good at being you...so go that way...whichever way that is...
I'm with you...I feel like society places such a misguidedly high value on the people who do what they're expected to do (get married, 2.2 kids, nice house in the suburbs). I often feel dismissed by my own family (my dad and stepmom, really) for having none of those things. I would give anything for them to see my life as just as important as they must see my step-sister's (who's got all of that). They don't even visit me. What's the point? I have no grandkids!
They must think I'm squandering my life, but I don't feel that way at all. I don't want to get locked into some box. Of course, I don't judge anyone who does have those things. I know it's what my sister really wanted and that she's happy. We all have to find our own way, and everyone needs to be better at accepting the path others choose.
Anyway, just saying...I'm right there with you! You're a good person, Steve.
Well, you can take the "boy" out of Minnesota, now you just have to take the Minnesota (values) out of him.
Here is a related article:
http://www.boston.com/bostonglobe/ideas/articles/2009/08/23/happiness_a_buyers_guide/?page=full
You're on the right path. You're the sane one, not "them." Keep thinking that way.
Hey, thank you all for the supportive comments. I appreciate them more than you know. You've given me a lot to think about.
"I could find a nice wife, settle down, have a kid or two, and punch the clock until I retire."
Great, now I'm depressed
I think that's valid and fully understandable. I wouldn't rule out someday finding someone who shares pretty much those same values, though. (What? Can't I be an optimist? At least about someone else's life, if not my own?)
Speaking of being depressed, sometimes I think the main reason to get married and have kids is to avoid becoming a ward of the state in my old age. Cheery thought, no? Maybe all of us singletons should start a co-op to take care of each other when we start to lose it.
Oy. So well put.
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